I want you to know that I'm not going to love nobody else. But the way you're acting is like as though you have really moved on. I'm blogging from my phone and I'm gonna let out what I'm feeling right now.
Remember how we used to tell each other that we love each other more? I read all the texts that we had back then. Yes, I kept them. And it really made me cry. You said that I didn't keep my promises. Yes, I didn't and I really regret that a lot. But I'm ready to fulfill those promises back again. You told me this, you love me more, you'll never stop loving me even after you've moved on. You said you'll love me forever. You said you wanna die next to me. You said you wanna marry, have my children. I know I changed all that. But do you still love me? Do you still wanna die next to me? Do you still wanna marry me? Do you still wanna have my children? I hope you still do.. Because I intend to marry you. I intend to be with you. I intend to make up for all the mistakes I've done by providing you a happy life. I wanna be your husband. All the success that I may have mean nothing to me of I don't have you. You are all that I need in my life. I swear. I know I pushed you away. I know I said I'm not good enough for you. I know what I said. But I'm here, ready to fight again to get back your love, to be with you, to prove to you that I can be what you want me to be, to be what you need me to be. But first, I need you in my life again. I need you to be with me. I need you.
Remember when you were being suicidal? Well, right now, I'm the one being suicidal. Honestly, I can't take it anymore living my life without you. Everyday, I think of dying. Thinking about you hurts so much knowing that you're not with me. Knowing that there'll be a possibility that we can never be together. I feel that I'd be better off dead than suffer this loneliness. You are who that makes me lively. Without you, it's just nothing, empty. I almost slit my wrist the other day. I couldn't take it anymore but I just couldn't do it. Nobody knows about this, not even the closest people around me. I looked all happy and alright, but deep inside, I'm suffering my own pain I've caused. Sometimes, I feel that getting banged by a car isn't that bad either. But when I think about it, when I'm dead, I won't be able to be with you. That's what keep me going each day, to be with you again. Though I can't take this suffering and pain, I believe that one day, we'll be back together again. I think I can go blind from crying myself to sleep every night. Maybe that explains my worsen vision. But that's all I can do because it seems like you don't care about us anymore. Every night, I cried thinking about what I had caused, wishing I could turn back time. I really miss you. I really need you. I love you..
Today, it was great to be able to spend time with you again. But it doesn't seem to be anything special to you.. Everytime I looked at you, I wanna cry, looking at the person I love so much, the person whom I die for, the person who means the whole world to me, the person who I only know to love.. Because you are not mine. I can't believe I can be so stupid..
I'm so lost without you.. I really need you.. I love you, Aishah. I have never loved another person except you, never. I hope you know that I am loyal to you. I love you Aishah. I'm sorry..
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