I just fucking miss you.
I hope you're doing fine, I'm really worried about you after what I saw on twitter.
I wish there's something I could do.
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Today seems like a good day for me. Managed to chat with Aishah and tweet with her. :)
Was supposed to see her just now when I bought for her food. But then, Fadhil appeared when I was waiting for her so I just passed it to him. Was looking forward to seeing her but I guess it was not meant to be? Haish.. I wanna see that face of hers again that always makes me smile.
And oh, I almost got banged by two cars.. Thanks to my lapse in concentration. FML seriously..
I don't know how I'm gonna sleep tonight.. I'm still missing you.. The only thing on my mind is you and the only word that I mumble is your name.. Haish.. Good nite then..
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Sunday, April 24, 2011
Currently sending Aishah her Birthday pictures through MSN. I realized that her DP has me in it.. I wanna ask but I shouldn't disturb her on small matters like this. Though I'm curious, I know she's busy with her school work. But somehow, it puts a smile on my face to see that. I don't know why, but I just smile. :)
And last night I had a 'nightmare'. I dreamt that I saw Aishah with her best friend, Iqbal. Ya.. I know that I feel that they he's the right guy for her but somehow I'm not ready for this.. I still love her.. Though I didn't see them do anything, just standing beside each other, I feel sad.. I still can't get over her.. And if my dream is a sign, I must be ready to take the hard truth when the day comes.. Which I hope won't happen..
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Another night, another night thinking about you.. I hate to be faking my happiness every time, because deep down, I'm sad.. But I tried not to show my sadness because I don't want other to worry.. Yeah, I may look like I'm happy, tweet like I'm happy, comment like I'm happy and all.. But I'm just faking it.. I'm sad, damn sad.. I'm sorry to the guys because I didn't play DOTA with u all.. I just can't bring myself to do anything that's fun when I'm all alone because I will only be thinking about her, about Aishah. It has always been about you in my life. I wish you could see that. Every single thing, it's always about you.. You are a part of my life, a permanent part of my life..
If I can have one wish, my only wish is for you to come back and never leave again..
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Saturday, April 23, 2011
Currently, I couldn't sleep.. Keep looking at the photos of you and me.. I really miss you so much.. Remembering the memories we shared and the moments we had together really make me teared.. I can't stop thinking about you.. Even if I tried, it'll only be for a while.. I want us to be together again.. Argh.. I shouldn't have let you go.. I shouldn't have been so naive.. I shouldn't have been so immature.. I should have given you my time.. I shouldn't have prioritized my friends to you.. I shouldn't have been too nice to people..
I love you so much.. I can't get over you.. I love you, Aishah, I love you.. I need you.. I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE.. I can't go on like this every night, thinking about you, thinking about us.. I NEED MY LOVE, MY OTHER HALF, MY AISHAH.. DAMN IT!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET YOU GOOOO!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE!! I shouldn't have...
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Ok, she told me to take care of myself.. But she was bloody angry and pissed off.. I don't know why and neither does she.. For some reason, I don't actually care about myself, I only care about others around me.. But whatever it is, does this mean that she still cares about me? I don't wanna think too much about it.. Maybe she's just worried for the moment, that's all.. Ya..
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I guess you're really moving away from me.. But it's ok.. I just hope you're happy. I'm starting to regret everything already.. And I guess, I should start to move on too.. But I know I can't.. So I'll just live my life in regrets knowing I've lost the only person I love.. I can't stop crying.. I can't believe I've lost you..
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I'm sad, yes.. But I deserved it.. For all that I've done.. Although I personally feel it wasn't my fault, neither was it hers, I still deserved it.. Sometimes, it pays to be too nice..
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I know I shouldn't have replied to your tweet.. But at least now I know how you feel. I can tell that you don't wanna talk to me anymore. I can tell that you want don't me to be a part of you anymore.. When I saw your tweet that quote, 'I dont know what to say.. I dont want to say anything', all I could do was smile.. I expected you not to reply, and I was right, unfortunately.. I wished to meet you, but I guess it's impossible now.. Sometimes, I wonder how did you managed to get me to talk to you the last time you broke my heart.. It seems so easy for you.. But for me, it seems so hard.. I guess I'm not brave and strong enough..
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Friday, April 22, 2011
I miss your sarcasm and the way you always pinch me. They never failed to make me laugh and smile. :)
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I miss her. I wish I had the courage to message her. But I'm just too coward after what I had told her. I wanna meet her, but I'm too afraid. Afraid that she might not want to meet me. Afraid that she might have really moved on and forget about me. I told her to forget about me, forget about us, and forget the past. But I didn't really meant what I say. I just say it out of anger, and I really regretted it. I don't want her to forget about me, I don't want her to forget about us and I definitely don't want her to forget about the past.
I can't forget about her. Everyday, I think about her and every night, I still think about her. How can I forget someone who loves me deeply and truly? How can I forget someone who have only shown me nothing but love? How can I forget someone who have given me true love and nothing else? How can I forget someone who has always make me smile and happy always? How can I forget someone who has been my pillar of strength and determination to do anything? How can I forget someone who has supported me all this while? How can I forget someone who never forgets about me, who used to always messaged me first? How can I forget someone who cares a lot about me, who take cares of me when I'm sick or done something very stupid? How can I forget someone who has been very forgiving to every single mistakes that I made? How can I forget someone who I have spent the last 2 and a half years together? How can I forget someone who is very close to me? How can I forget someone who I have made a lot of memories and moments with? How can I forget someone who has made a big difference in my life? How can I forget someone who believed in me so much? How can I forget someone who can make me smile without doing anything? How can I forget someone who is my other half? How can I forget someone who I have planned a future with together, who I knew is my soul mate, who I want to be with forever, who I want to die for, who I want to die with, who I want to have a family with, who I know is very loyal to me, who I know so well? And lastly, how, can I, forget someone, who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart, only? How?
I just want you back. I need you, badly..
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Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ok, so I'm back blogging. Not for any reason though, but just using this to express feelings as I do not want people to know. I understand that my blog is dead so it is the perfect place to express my feelings.
Ok, so me and Aishah broke up again, and I do not want to elaborate about it. To be honest, I really take blame for everything that has happened and I really regret what has happened. I know it's no use and she seems to have move on too, but I feel really stupid to let go of someone who truly loves me for who I am from the bottom of her heart. I know I can never find someone who will love me the way she does, but life has to move on, I guess. Though I still love her, I believe that she deserves better than me with the way I have been treating her. But I wanna be with her, contradicting much right?
I know I've done stupid stuffs, but haish.. I just wish I could turn back time and undo all those. Yes, people usually only realize how important that someone is in their life after they lose them, which is already too late. But if I were to be given another chance, I'll take that chance and love her right. I swear I do love her, from the start till now and forever from the bottom of my heart, only her.
Haish.. I really miss her.
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